The Tragedy Of Disguise
Around this time in 9th grade English classrooms across the country, students are reading William Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. At least that is the case in my 9th grade English classroom. Arguably one of Shakespeare’s most popular works, this play tells the tragic love story of two star-crossed lovers whose love is forbidden due to the volatile conflict between their families.
While reading the play with students, I continuously steered students back to the essential question of our unit: How do we perform for different audiences? This is something that I ask myself often, as I swipe through social media posts or engage in conversation with someone I just met-- how do I perform for different audiences? The easy thing to do would be to blame social media for the many disguises that we’ve accumulated over time, but Shakespeare evidently proves that even in 1597, people were using disguises to hide their true identity.
As I reflect on the many disguises that I added to my identity closet over the years, I recall feeling deceitful and ashamed. Growing up, I was constantly made aware of my identity, I was a daughter of the King, who loves me, and has uniquely created me wonderfully complex. But life unfolds and over time, I’ve made mistakes, have fallen short, and found that not everything about who I am was appealing to the public. So, I picked up some disguises along the way and began to perform differently for different audiences. Have you ever found yourself becoming a different, strange, unlike you person around certain people?
The more disguises that I acquired, the further I found myself from in-depth intimacy with God. From Sunday School, I knew that I could never hide from God, but even in those moments I spent with God, I still had layers disguising the inner parts I didn’t want people to see. It took time to realize it, but the Lord soon revealed to me that whatever I tried to layer my hurt, shame, and pain with didn’t work on Him. God saw who I was and didn’t turn away. God didn’t see me through the lens of a social media post or after I’ve dressed up for work/school. God saw my heart. He saw my innermost being and even with myself fully exposed to God, He still longed for me. The real me.
In 2 Samuel 5, David finally (after 15 years) becomes King of Israel; at that same time he composes Psalms 139:1-4 “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away… You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say, even before I say it, Lord.” In the same way that King David proclaimed how in-depth the Lord knew Him, so do I long for that as well. King David goes on and remarks in verse 13 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!”
In a world where it’s so easy to disguise who you are, the Lord desperately longs for you to share your inner being with Him. We often perform differently depending on the audience and we hide our real identity from the harsh world. However, in Christ, we have freedom to be who we are despite different audiences. Christ has transformed us and He has created a story for us to share with those around us. Every time that I’m tempted to disguise myself when I meet someone new or craft a social media post, I’m reminded of how wonderfully unique and complex the Lord has made me-- why change who He has created me to be?
Every time I reach for my closet full of disguises, I’m reminded of what King David said later on in Psalms 139, verse 23-24 “Search me, Oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” I don’t think I’ll ever like every single part of me, because there are parts of me that fall short before the Lord. It’s in those moments that I’m reminded to confide in the Lord, to ask the Lord to search my heart and to guide me to live a life that honors Him.
In Act II, Scene II of William Shakespeare’s The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, Juliet declares a famous line “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other name would smell as sweet.” It doesn’t matter what I try to disguise myself with, I know my name as the daughter of the King, the one who loves me. Changing, hiding or disguising won’t take that away. I don’t know about you, but I’m done hiding who I am. I want to live a life that is everlasting and deeply rooted in the Lord. How can I disguise the wonderfully unique and complex person He knit me together to be?
